Journal 100 Pages

Posted on July 6, 2011 by

Journal 100 Pages

www.journal100pages.com

Journaling is a great tool to Pursue Wholerness and Life Change.

www.journalforwholerness.com    www.journalforlifechange.com

I often encourage people to journal. For example, If I ever see you for marriage counseling, you can be sure that we will likely hit upon some issue that you would do well to journal about. When that happens, I will suggest that you get a pad of yellow paper, a few blue pens and journal about the the issue we hit upon.

3 Pages of Journaling Does Not Cut It

I have discovered that I need to very clear about what I mean when I say journal. I mean really write. I mean work at it and put in more than 20 minutes.

The bigger the issue you need to write about, the more pages you will need write as you pursue wholerness.

I once encouraged someone I was counseling, to journal about a serious, painful issue from their childhood. I asked them to do some journaling before the next time I saw them. About ten days later, I saw them again and they had written 3 pages.

I had expected they they would put in maybe 3 or 4 hours and write maybe 40 or 50 pages.

My Bad

I did not communicate this to them. I knew that 3 or 5 or even 10 pages of journaling, would not be enough for them to adequately process this serious childhood issue.

I never told them that they would need to write a lot of pages. I just assumed that they knew this. My bad.

It’s Symbolic

These days, I tell people that they need to number their pages when they journal about a particular topic, and that they need to be prepared to journal 100 pages in short order.

The 100 pages is symbolic. Some issues take only 30 or 40 pages. Some issues (like being sexually abused as a child) take 100′s or 1000′s of pages of journaling to healthfully process.

Did You Want to Become Wholer? Do You Want Life Change?

Sometimes I throw out the 100 pages as a gut check, to see if the person is currently serious about pursing wholerness and becoming wholer. The truth is that when you are done journaling about a topic, you are done and you know when that is.

Someone may only need to actually journal  67 pages to come to peace and/or healing with a particular issue. However, if they are thinking that they will only write 10 pages and stop, they are not going to get to the needed other 57 pages.

Sometimes I can tell that a person is going to need to see a competent professional counselor and write 100s of pages to heal.

That is what it took for me to head out on the road toward healing. I have written 1000′s of pages. I still journal for Wholerness and Life Change to this day.

In my early 20s, I  saw a competent professional counselor for 4 plus years to face and process the abuse I endured as child – you name it, I went through it. I know firsthand the powerful role that journaling can play in a person’s journey to become wholer.

People who are not willing to even consider the possibility of writing a 100 pages to contribute to their own healing, are usually, not yet ready to grow.

If a person is willing to write 100 pages and they actually do that and then they discover that they still have many pages to go, they usually have found so much value in the first 100 pages that they are quite willing to keep journaling until the issue has been healed from.

So be prepared to journal 100 pages. You may need to journal more or less than that. I can tell you this – 3 pages will not be enough.

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at www.journal100pages.com as well as on www.stevenshomler.com

That’s it

Steven Shomler

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Journal For Wholerness Journal for Life Change

Posted on July 6, 2011 by

Journal For Wholerness  - Journal For Life Change

www.journalforwholerness.com   www.journalforlifechange.com

You want to change your life? Get a 12 pack of yellow pads, some blues pens and start writing.

Journaling is one the best ways that you can pursue wholerness, wholeness, or life change.

Wholerness?

You might be asking what “wholerness” is. Rather than encourage people to become “whole” I encourage people to become “wholer”.

If you are going to live the Good Life you need to pursue “wholerness.”

Pursuing Wholerness is one the the Good Life Elements. www.GoLiveTheGoodLife.com www.GoodLifeElements.com

I do not think that you are going to become completely whole, so given that, I say – “Pursue Wholerness!”  You may not be able to become whole, however you can become wholer!

So What is Journaling?

Quite simply, it is simply writing. Nothing more complicated than that.

If you have a challenge that you need to face, a great way to start, is to sit down with a pad of paper and start writing.

You will be amazed how much you can discern once you start writing about your problem(s).

Self reflection is amazing. Sadly, people do not often take the time to reflect on their journey.

  

Journal Your Way Out of Misery

Socrates said “An unexamined life is not worth living.”  www.wikipedia.org/Socrates

I say  ”An unexamined life is marked by misery.”

If you are miserable, start writing about it. Start examining your life. Put pen to paper and begin to become the person you are.

Journaling Can Help You Healthfully Face The Stuff in Your Backpack

Each of us has stuff in our backpack that hinders us. Journaling is a great way to face what is in your backpack.

For more on the stuff in your backpack, go to www.thestuffinyourbackpack.com. I wrote that article for married people. Even if you are not married, you most likely have stuff in your backpack that is hindering you.

What Do I Write?

Okay, I am ready to write, now what? Just start writing. You will find your way.

I have found it helpful to take two approaches when I am journaling.

#1 Trying to sort out a response to a challenge you have.

When I am trying to figure out what to do next, to healthfully face a challenge in my life, I have found that writing out what my options are and writing out what I want is very helpful. Helpful, but often hard.

Regardless of what you are facing, if you start with step 1 and you work on figuring out your options and your wants, please move onto step 2 – writing out how you feel about the challenge you have.

#2 Trying to heal from; a wound to my heart, abuse, trauma, or mistreatment.

When I am trying to heal from something, I have found it helpful to write about how I feel. Even if you are not sure how you feel about something that you might need to heal from, just start writing. Write these words;

When it comes to my marriage – I feel…

When it comes to the abuse I endured as a child, my mom hitting me – I feel…

When it comes to the crappy way my boss is treating me,  I feel…

Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust, Don’t Feel

I used the above three word mantra as a way to survive my brutal childhood. While that approach helped me survive my abusive childhood, it hindered me greatly in adulthood.

The first time (in my early 20s) that it was suggested to me to write down how I felt about something, I realized that I did not feel. At least that was what I thought. I did feel, I just had to work (and write, alot!) to get in touch with my feelings.

I would literally write things like this on my yellow pad - “I do not know how I feel. This is stupid. There is no way that journaling – writing – is going to get me in touch with my feelings. I do not even want to feel. Hmmm where did that come from? why don’t I want to feel?”

With that simple realization, I was off and running.

If you want to be wholer, journal. It is an amazing tool for wholerness!

Many thanks to Bryan Van Dragt. He was the one, who first taught me to journal.

As I said at the beginning of this article - You want to change your life? Get a 12 pack of yellow pads some blue pens and start writing.

One Last Thing – Number your Pages

When you journal about something, number your pages. That way you will know when you have journaled 100 pages about that particular topic. www.journal100pages.com

If you would like to easily share this article with someone, it can be found at www.journalforwholerness.com and www.journalforlifechange.com as well as on www.stevenshomler.com

That’s it,

Steven Shomler

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It Leaks Out

Posted on July 6, 2011 by

Who you are leaks out!

www.itleaksout.com

One of the most  important life lessons I ever learned was that, who I am leaks out. It may leak out slowly and it may take a while for people to realize that I am leaking and revealing to them what is true about me, but it happens.

You Cannot Hide Who You Are

Well, you can hide for a while, but eventually the more you are around someone or a group of people the more they start to pick up on who you are, what you like, what you long for, what you don’t like, who you like, who you don’t like, the direction you are headed in life, etc., etc., etc.

Are you currently Afraid? Hopeful? Determined? Tired? – Whatever is true about you leaks out, and eventually others pick up on it, even if they don’t realize that they are doing so.

The more people pick up on who are (vs. the “who” you would like to portray) the more they start to relate to as you really are. Even if they do not realize that this is happening.

What Are You Leaking?

A great way to come to know who you are, is to ask yourself , “what am I leaking?”

As you start to know who you currently are, and what you currently leaking, you can begin to change who you are.

What Will You Leak Next Year?

As you change and Pursue Wholerness, you will begin to leak different that you used too.

i.e – I used to leak to my wife (and to others) that I did not like her, now that I actually like my wife, I leak to her (and to others) that I like her, that is to say I leak that I have genuine affection for her, and that I prefer to be with her.  (www.doyoulikeyourspouse.com)

Pursue Wholerness it helps you leak better stuff!

If you would like to easily share this article with others, it can be found at www.itleaksout.com as well as on www.stevenshomler.com

That’s it

Steven Shomler

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How Do You Define Love?

Posted on July 5, 2011 by

First published at www.BattleForaGreatMarriage.com – my marriage blog.

   

How Do you Define Love ?

www.howdoyoudefinelove.com

I can honestly say that I love cheeseburgers and I love my wife Gayla. However, I mean something very different when I say that I love my wife than when I say that I love cheeseburgers.

How you define “love” matters.  It matters a lot. In my experience, it is common for people to not have a working definition for love. What do you mean you use the word love?

When Gayla and I first got married, she would tell me “I love you.” Rather than say, “I love you, too,” as most husband’s would, I would ask her the question, “What do you mean when you say that?” I know, I know, very unromantic! My wife put up with a lot during our first 10 years of marriage!

It mattered to me what Gayla meant when she said that she loved me for a number of reasons.

#1 – I have been married twice and Gayla is the second person I married.  My first wife used to tell me that she loved me, and we ended up divorced. Having my first marriage end in divorce impacted me quite a bit and messed with both my head and my heart. I carried that baggage into my second marriage and sadly, it was years before I faced that baggage.

#2 – Another reason that what Gayla meant when she told me that she loved me mattered so much to me was because of my mother. Growing up I was abused by my mother. For example, when I was very young, my mom would beat me with a broom stick. Every time she would go into a rage and hit me, she would later calm down and hold me and tell me that, you guessed it, that she “loved” me.

I grew up wondering what this “I love you” thing was really all about. I grew up wondering what people actually meant when they said the words “I love you”.

I would encourage to you invest time figuring out your own working definition for the word “love.” How cool would be to you to tell your daughter “I love you” and have her ask Dad or Mom, “What do you  mean when you tell me that you love me?” and then be able to tell her what it means to you? How much would that enhance what she hears the next time you tell her “I love you?”

My Working Definitions of Love

I have two definitions for the word love. The first I use generally and the other I use with regards to relationships.

My definition of “Love” in a general or colloquial sense –  as in, “I love Cheeseburgers” -

Something that you really really like, that makes you feel really, really good is something that you “love”. i.e. – I love cheeseburgers, or I love going to Disneyland , or I love water skiing.

My definition of “Love” in a relational sense  - as in, “I love my wife” -

Love is a willingness to do the work of nurturing relationship, accompanied by the feeling of care for someone , as well as a concern for their well being. i.e. – I love my wife, or I love my daughter, or I love my son.

I do not think you can love someone and not have both feelings (emotion) for them as well as be willing to continue to do the work of relationship.

Some definitions for love that I have come across completely leave out feelings. I do think that a wife would be blessed to have her husband say to her  ”I love you dear, but, please know I have a definition for love that does not includes any feelings toward you, my love for you is purely intellectual.”

On the other hand I have come across definitions for love that do not mention work or effort.

Relationships that are not nurtured wither, and nurturing takes effort or work.

I do not think that you can love someone without doing “work” or exerting “effort.” While that may not sound warm and fuzzy, I have found it to be very true. Sometimes the “work” of nurturing various relationships I have is easy, but sometimes it takes real effort and hard work.

If you like my definitions for love – adopt them and use them. At minimum, I hope that I have inspired you to come up with you own definition for love. Know what you mean when you tell someone “I love you.”

I have to give credit where credit is due.  My thoughts on love have been greatly shaped by M. Scott Peck’s book The Road Less Traveled. I first read this book when I was in my early twenties and I have been ruminating about what he wrote for almost 20 years now.

If you have not read The Road Less Travelled and if you have questions about “love,” I highly  encourage you to read it. This book is divided into 4 sections and Section 2 is entitled “Love.” In section 2 Peck spends quite a bit time writing about what love is not. Quite interesting. While you may not agree with everything he writes (I do not), it will definitely give you grist for your mill. Once you do come across Peck’s definition for “love” you will see where he and I slightly part ways.

If you would like to easily share this aricle with someone it can be found at www.howdoyoudefinelove.com as well as on www.battleforagreatmarriage.com

God bless,

Pastor Steven

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How I Define Grace

Posted on July 5, 2011 by

First published on www.AncientWayWarmingFire.com - My faith blog.

 How I define Grace

www.definegrace.com

I am big on definitions.

If you do not know what a word means, then I am not sure that it is actually useful to you.

When it comes to relational or spiritual matters, I think that it is mission critical to know what certain words mean.

If you are are in a faith community, it can be helpful if not necessary, to know what certain words mean in that community.

Let me explain If you are married – What does it mean when you tell your spouse that you love them?

What is your working definition of Love? I mention “Love” because I have a working definition that I use.  (I have posted that definition at www.howdoyoudefinelove.com.)

Given my background and the Dire Marriage that my wife and I had, it became very important for us to figure out what it meant when we said, “I love you,” to each other.

(What is a Dire Marriage, you say? You can now go to www.diremarriage.com and read that article on my Battle for a Great Marriage blog.  www.BattleForaGreatMarriage.com )

If you are in a spiritual community that uses the word “Faith” or or the word “Love” or “Grace” in its mission statement, and the leadership of that faith community  does not define what the word “Faith” or “Love” or ” Grace”means in your faith community, then that mission statement is likely not helpful. Because the words are not defined in that community, people are likely to be all over the board – even contradictory to each other – with what those important spiritual/religious words mean.

You do not need the “right” answer.

When it comes to words like “Love” or “Faith” or “Grace,” you do not need the “right” answer, you simply need the definition that works for you.  The definition  that works for you becomes your “working definition.”

If you are a in spiritual community that regularly uses a word like “Faith” or “Love” or “Grace,” it is helpful to know how it is defined in that community. Hopefully the leader of your spiritual community regularly says, “Around here we define ‘Faith’ as _______,” or ”Around here we define ‘Love’ as _______,” or ”Around here we define ‘Grace’ as _______.”

The word “Grace” has been a big deal in every church where I have been the Lead Pastor. It is a word that was used quite a bit. And in every church where I was the Lead Pastor, I said, “Around here, we define Grace as _____.”

To this day, when I see people that I pastored in Olympia, Washington — four churches and 10 years ago, and I ask them to define ‘Grace,’ they are able to tell me the definition we used way back then.

What is your working definition of Grace?

Grace is a huge deal when it comes to Jesus and His Kingdom. I cannot tell you how many times I have asked someone with connection to Jesus what their working definition of Grace is only to have them look at me with a blank stare.

If you cannot define Grace, I do not know how Grace can effectively help you in your spiritual or religious  journey. (In my experience, some people are on a spiritual journey and some people are on a religious journey.)

Here is how I define Grace

“There is nothing you can do to make God love you any more, and there is nothing you can do to make God love you any less.”

That’s it. That is how I define Grace.

At WindWorks Faith Community (Olympia, WA) and Pathways Church of Maple Grove(Maple Grove, MN) and Compass Community Church (Portland, OR) - I often said “Around here we define Grace as this – ‘There is nothing you can do to make God love you any more, and there is nothing you can do to make God love you any less’.”

My own children, when they were much younger, sometimes appeared to be busy coloring or reading during church. But each on occasion surprised me by providing the answer when I asked an unsuspecting adult “What is Grace?” before that adult could even get their mind around the question.

These days, I say at Bridge City Community Church (Milwaukie, OR), “The way I define Grace is this ‘There is nothing you can do to make God love you any more, and there is nothing you can do to make God love you any less’ .”

So far, you have read my definition of Grace three times. I hope that it is starting to sink in.

God’s love for you is not based on your behavior.

God’s affection for you is not based on your behavior.

You cannot change God’s incredibly positive feelings for you! (If the thought that God has emotions is a new thought for you – check out the book Feel by Matthew Elliott or the book Feeling like God by Chris Tiegreen.)

You cannot change God’s love for you. Your “good” behavior does not change God’s love for you. Your “naughty” behavior does not change God’s love for you.

God loves you. That’s It. Period. Deal with it. Or don’t, because God gives free will and you choose whether or not to respond to His love.

It is possible that this definition raises questions for you. If it does, please email me. My email address for this blog is ancientwaywarmingfire@yahoo.com Perhaps your questions will be the basis for a future blog post.

I have purposely not answered the questions that people have brought up when I tell my working definition of Grace.  These questions vary depending on whether that person is on a spiritual journey or on a religious journey.

Let me close with this - ”There is nothing you can do to make God love you any more and there is nothing you can do to make God love you any less.”

God Bless,

Pastor Steven Shomler

if you would like to easily share this article with someone – this article can be found at www.definegrace.com

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I Practice an Ancient Way Warming Fire Faith

Posted on July 4, 2011 by

First published on www.AncientWayWarmingFire.com – My faith blog.

  

Ancient Way Warming Fire Faith

www.ancientwaywarmingfirefaith.com  www.warmingfirefaith.com

Since the Fall of 2009, when someone has asked me about my faith I tell them that I practice an Ancient Way Warming Fire Faith. Often this answer leads to the question “What is that?”

Here is my answer – I strive to follow the Ancient Way of Jesus, and I want my faith in Jesus to be like a Warming Fire  - like a camp fire on the beach, something warm, and pleasant and appealing.

The Ancient Way of Jesus 

To be clear about which “Jesus”  I follow, I say that I follow the Jesus of Matthew, Mark,Luke and John - those being the first four books of what is referred to as the New Testament. To see more about what I mean when I say the Jesus of Matthew, Mark, Lukeand John, see my note at the end of this article.

  

If you would like to know the Ancient Way of Jesus for yourself, simply grab a Bible (preferably a contemporary translation like The Message www.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheMessageBible  www.biblegateway.com/versions/Message-Bible ) and read for yourself what Jesus said and did and taught.

I give you permission to read the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John for yourself and decide for yourself what the Ancient Way of Jesus is.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28 -30 MSG (The Message Version) - “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with with me and you will recover your life. I will show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

In 2007, I burned out on religion. For me it was life changing to realize that I could follow Jesus without also accepting the burden of a specific religion. For me, religion got in the way of my walk with Jesus. I ditched one and kept the other.

I chose to ditch religion and keep Jesus. I have seen people ditch Jesus and keep thier religion. To each his own.

So what are the “unforced rhythms of grace” that Jesus was referring to? I invite you to read Jesus’ words and come to be able to answer that question for yourself.

In Jeremiah, the 24th book of the Bible it says - “this is what the the Lord says ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it, and you will find rest’ “… Jeremiah 6:16

I believe that this good way is the Ancient Way of Jesus.

Warming Fire 

I want my faith in Jesus to be something warm, and pleasant and appealing like a campfire at a beach. I believe that as I follow the Ancient Way of Jesus I will have a faith that leaks out of me that is compelling, much the same way a beach camp fire is compelling on a warm summer night.

I realize that not everyone will like my faith, or me. Hopefully the kind of people who were attracted to Jesus will be attracted to my Warming Fire Faith, and hopefully, the kind of people who did not like what Jesus had to say will be the ones who do not like myWarming Fire Faith (Matt 9:9-12).

My name is Steven Shomler, and I practice an Ancient Way Warming Fire Faith, and I invite you to consider doing the same.

If you would like to share this article with others, you can refer them to  www.ancientwaywarmingfirefaith.com  or to www.warmingfirefaith.com.

Either of those website addresses/domains will take them right to this article.

God Bless,

Pastor Steven Shomler

I follow the Jesus of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John

When I say “Jesus,” I am referring to the Jesus found in the Bible. Early on in the Bible – in the book of Exodus – the 2nd book of the Bible,  God is referred to as the “God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob” to make it clear which “god” was being referred to.

To be clear about which “Jesus”  I follow, I say that I follow the Jesus of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John - those being the first four books of what is referred to as the New Testament. In my opinion, Jesus is found in the entire Bible (John 5:37-40) and not just in the Book of Matthew, Mark Luke and John.

I have learned that not every person or religion who says that they follow “Jesus” follows the Jesus of the Bible…Or as I put it - not every person or religion who says that they follow “Jesus” follows the Jesus of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

When someone tells you they follow Jesus, I would encourage you to ask them which Jesus it is that they follow.

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11 Movies I Want to See in 2011 Part 2 – July through December

Posted on February 2, 2011 by

First published Good Life Movie Reviews www.goodlifemoviereviews.com

11 movies I want to see in 2011. Part 2

To see part 1 go to www.goodlifemoviereviews.com/2011/02/01/11-movies-i-want-to-see-in-2011-part-1

Below you will find the movie’s title, the estimated release date, the movie’s poster (if available), and why I want to see it. Movie’s listed in order of estimated release date.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. July 15

8 movies, 10 years. Quite amazing.  Part 1 was great. I expect that part 2 will not disappoint.

Captain America : The First Avenger. July 22

http://captainamerica.marvel.com

He is the heartbeat of the Avengers. Thanks to Captain America comic books, I paid close attention when studying WW 2 in grade school. Speaking of grade school – I loved my Captain America and The Falcon comics.

This movie set in WW2 (Yep – I said WW2),will tell how frail Steve Rogers becomes Captain America. This movie, more than any other, sets up The Avengers movie. www.marvel.com/avengers_movie (coming in 2012)

If you want to know the Comic book version of Steve Rogers’ saga go to - http://marvel.wikia.com/Captain_America_(Steven_Rogers)

Cowboys & Aliens. July 29.

www.cowboysandaliensmovie.com

Great movie title! This story first appeared as a Graphic Novel (comic book) in 1997 published by Platinum Studios  www.platinumstudios.com/cowboysandaliens

If the awesome title alone does not explain “the why” to Cowboys & Aliens -This movie stars Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford and is directed by Jon Favreau ( Iron Man etc).

One cool thing about this movie- You can follow Cowboys & Aliens on Twitter - @cwboysandaliens

I am following this movie on Twitter via my @GoodLifeMovies Twitter feed. (my Twitter feeds are topic specific. to read more about how I use Twitter go to www.stevenshomler.com/follow )

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. December 21.

I have not read the books, however I know enough, to know that this is a movie I do not want to miss.

You might be thinking, “Hey, wait a minute, I already saw this movie!”. “My wife made me watch it, it had subtitles and everything”.

That was the 2009 Swedish version you were made to watch. The movie coming out in December 2011, is the American version. No subtitles.

This version stars Daniel Craig, Robin Wright and Rooney Mara, who will play the series main character  Lisbeth Salander. Rooney Mara was last seen in The Social Network. Rooney delivered the great line “dating you is like dating a Stairmaster.” www.goodlifemoviereviews.com/2010/10/04/the-social-network-movie-review

We Bought a Zoo. December 23

This wonderful book, that is based on a true story, is being into a movie starring Matt Damon, Scarlett Johansson and is directed by Cameron Crowe. This is going to be a wonderful movie. You heard it here first!

That’s it!

Steven Shomler

Good Life Movie Reviews www.goodlifemoviereviews.com

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